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Wow! What a Year!

Sat, 11 Jan 2020 11:43:25 GMT

Lots of exciting things have happened!

If 2018 was described as keeping afloat t hen 2019 was definitely a year for learning how to sail– I’m hoping 2020 will be a year of throwing off the bowlines, leaving the safe harbour and catching the wind in my sails!

[Fine words from Mark Twain!]

What were the highlights Last year?

Health

I was very thankful and grateful to our wonderful NHS ��‍⚕️��‍⚕️❤️ for fixing my foot in February �� - 6 months of not being able to walk is very frustrating! Fortunately, Paul and I are very creative people and with the purchase of a wheelchair, a knee scooter �� and an old automatic car - I was independent once more!

I’m not a good patient and sitting still isn’t my strong point! I can’t thank my family and friends enough for helping me during this time - My husband, as always, was very patient and a total rock star! I can honestly say that it was a relief to be able to set both feet back onto terra firma!

For those of you that know me…I am not one to let a broken bone stop me doing things, so everything continued as was, and now I am one year nearer my goal of becoming a trained and qualified Humanistic Gestalt Counsellor.

Travel

We had some fantastic travels in the camper-van in 2019 driving down to Italy, camping and AirBNB-ing all the way! Swimming in Lake Como was a real highlight and what a view camping next to mount Vesuvius and Pompeii!

Coaching

I became an Associate Coach in 2019 with a beautiful Community Interest Company called Genius Within . All of my fantastic Clean Language coaching training and my skills are definitely being flexed �� in earnest, s haring coaching with individuals with Neurodiversity in the workplace . Lots of lovely metaphors and ways of working at our best being discussed!

I had the privilege of working with my own amazing clients , and I thank them from the bottom of my scruffy heart for trusting me to be with them in their journeys of awareness and change. I definitely see coaching as a two-way process- we both learn from each other! I am finding the Gestalt side has its place in coaching too, although shells �� and sand trays can be a step too far for some clients ��!

Workshops

I have thoroughly enjoyed stretching my comfort zone this year to run several workshops - I started piloting my own Drama2Karma workshops based on the Systemic Modelling teachings of Cait lin Walker and Marian Way and David Grove's Clean Language! I can safely say the workshops have been a success! Definitely more to come… and some others this year.

Business

Another stretching of the comfort zone this year has been my forays into the world of networking. I have my good friend Julia Dixon at Flow Communications to thank for encouraging me out from my safe place of hiding and introducing me to a variety of lovely people and events.

I have enjoyed meeting a whole host of beautiful people; … t he Free Range Women in business networking group run by the remarkable Jane Cooke and where I met the gorgeous and inspiring personal brand guru Annelies James ; the ZW Co-Working networking event run by fantastic businesswomen Sarah Hall and the Southampton Business Expo where I was introduced to the two Ian's, Ian Gribble and Ian Skinner.

I have over 20 years in business under my belt but starting again with your own business is a different game entirely! What I am learning is that networking isn't so bad and that there are some fascinating and supportive people out there. Long may it continue in 2020!

Counselling training

My counselling journey has also been tremendous . So much learnt technically and personally. So many wonderful new friends, helpful metaphors and some lovely techniques that have proved very useful in my coaching work.

I particularly love sand tray experiments. I have had a lovely time giving myself permission to be angry �� in a safe space! This year, I'm looking forward to bringing my own emotion-roulette game to a new light-hearted but meaningful workshop that I am developing for exploring and naming emotions.

I think the most significant awakening on my counselling journey has been receiving my own personal therapy which is part and parcel of becoming a counsellor. It has been an immensely rewarding experience and has helped to lift the veil of depression and anxiety that I have struggled with off and on over the years. Not something I talk about very often but a constant and unwelcome companion since I was a child and had a close family bereavement.

I am h oping that my Counselling training will help others in need and also raise awareness of the importance of counselling, listening, and expressing emotions. I think its time for society to shake off this tight lipped culture that prevents us talking about our emotions. It’s something we are biologically meant to do and there are lots of safe ways to do it. I am really encouraged by the open and frank conversations by some high profile people. Hopefully more to come on the counselling front in 2021 when I am fully trained and qualified to practice!

Volunteering & charitable work

Reluctantly, I’ve had to let go of some things and this year, and I resigned from Samaritans after three and a half years of volunteering. When I reflect on everything I’ve learnt with this beautiful organisation, it really has been life-changing. The amazing people that I have met and the whole ethos of the organisation and its listeners is phenomenal. It was a tough gig at times, but a great privilege.

Everyone needs kind, genuinely honest, non-judgemental human contact, and Samaritans give that unconditionally and confidentially. I hope to continue supporting Samaritans with some fundraising this year.

My time this year will be spent continuing with the two voluntary placements that I have secured to progress my counselling training. One is a charity that provides free counselling for 11-25-year-olds, and the other is a charity that offers low-cost counselling to those in need in their community, charging only what can be afforded and placing value on the counselling service being delivered. Lots to learn and both are great causes to support.

What about this year?

Will it be a year of clarity with 2020 vision? Guffaw - sorry -that’s a bit cheesy!��

I have several personal and professional themes and goals for this year …

This next year will be about… growth, full contact, bossing the business and of course … being a bit scruffy ( which means giving my ducks permission to break formation - because life really is too short not too!)

Lo ts of stuff that has happened and lots more to come!

Here's to a year of experimentation and leaving safe harbour!

• What are your reflections of 2019?

• What are your themes and goals for 2020?

What the 'duck' is coaching?

183:694743778 (Louise Hockaday) — Fri, 08 Dec 2017 00:00:00 GMT

How does coaching work and can anyone use it?

Coaching is a great way of helping people make significant change, get inspiration or find solutions to problems that have been around for a long time.

A coach doesn't give the client a solution but will help their client to explore and find their own way of doing what needs to be done, or help them be able to change their ways of thinking so they can accept their current reality.

Its a bit like untangling the lights at Christmas

Imagine your head is packed full of ideas, thoughts, cares and concerns, it can get really messy up there! A coach will help you unpack what's in your head and support you to give each 'bit' the space it needs to be explored or solved. I liken this process to when I get the Christmas lights out each year. As you can imagine, a Scruffy Duck like me doesn't put them away neatly after Christmas has finished and each year and I end up having to separate each set before they eventually get put on the tree and make the room light up.

A coach will help you unravel and untangle each strand of your 'stuff' so you can see it nice and neatly and then help you understand and explore what needs to happen next.

What tools will a coach use?

A coach will listen to you very intently and ask you high quality questions. You can also expect them to summarise, repeat, paraphrase or reflect back what you are saying and doing. As individuals we sometimes overlook the obvious, when a coach repeats back what we have just said, in the tone we have said it, it can sometimes be a real shock.

Depending on the style of coaching used, you can also expect a coach to have a metaphorical toolbox full of strategies, models, skills and techniques to help you. These might include...

Ways to help you look at life through a different lens - this might mean literally getting you to stand in different spaces to explore a problem or pretend you are someone else looking at the problem or even get you to draw the problem on a piece of paper.

Help to action plan and an agreement to hold you to account for the actions, goals or timings that you set.

Exploring your values, beliefs and rules and understanding your triggers and pattern's of behaviour

Exploring your metaphors, language or even dreams. Our unconscious doesn't speak in our own language and will often communicate through metaphor, dreams, gestures or feelings. Some psychological theories state that exploring these things literally can help you to uncover what is happening at an unconscious level and also help you use them to make life or business changes that stick.

What can I expect from my coach?

A coach won't judge you, they will be curious and open minded and will ensure that everything you say is confidential. Confidentiality is really important in coaching. You need to be able to trust your coach and know that what you've said is not going to be shared with anyone else. There are times when things can't be kept confidential; if you're involved in illegal activities, or might be a harm to yourself or others. Your coach will advise you of this when you begin your coaching relationship. Any coach worth their salt will also have a supervisor that they will go to for guidance and they may need to share some details of your coaching session. If this is done then any information will generally be anonymised and the supervisor will be bound by the same confidentiality rules as your coach.

How will I receive my coaching?

Coaching is a very flexible service that can happen face to face, online, or over the phone. It can be done with individuals, groups or businesses.

How many sessions will I need?

A coach will normally recommend a number of coaching sessions and then review and agree with the client if further sessions are needed. Your coach might also ask you to undertake development tasks between sessions.

What if the coach or coaching isn't my cup of tea!

That's absolutely fine - if a package has been bought and the client doesn't want to continue then coaches will generally have a no-quibble refund for the sessions that are cancelled. This can also go the other way - if a coach feels that they are not right for the client then they will politely broach this with the client and will aim to refer them to another coach.

Coaching isn't Counselling?

A coach will help you work toward a positive outcome and will be solution oriented. Counselling is slightly different and will go deeper when focusing on exploring a problem. They will also have the right skills to help individuals dealing with a mental illness. If a coach feels that they are getting into areas that they are not qualified for, they will likely pause the coaching session, explain this to their client and might discuss refer the client to a trained counsellor.

Overall, Coaching can be a very surprising and positive experience AND it can be amazing to see the changes that can take place when you have someone supporting you with Coaching skills.

A Duck's Tale

183:694743778 (Louise Hockaday) — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Plunging back to life

I have finally decided to go self-employed. It feels like a big deal and it’s a decision that I have been procrastinating on for the last two years.

I hope you don’t mind me sharing my tale with you, it may help you understand a bit more about Scruffy Duck…

A new dawn

This new chapter of life started at the end of 2015 when I left work to become a full-time mum. My youngest son was moving from school to college and I had to prepare for a 3 month gap. Childcare had always been a bit of a juggle as my youngest son has special needs, but this time I couldn’t comprehend how I was going to be there for my son and family and cope with a full time & very busy job!

Childcare was one issue but an even bigger problem was the fact that I was also exhausted . I was a working mum trying to prove I could do it all and be there for the family, but the cracks in my health and my home-life were widening. My brain and body had had enough and the brakes were being put on whether I liked it or not.

Finding Scruffy

I knew that something needed to change with the pattern of working that I had got myself into and I started to explore ways to have a different and more flexible career. I started a qualification in coaching and then followed up with some deeper training courses that taught a particular style of coaching called 'Clean Language' .

In order to learn to coach, you also need to be coached, and it was when I was being coached with Clean Language that I found Scruffy Duck.

Let me explain before you think I'm off my rocker!

Clean Language tries to elicit metaphor to help a client explore things in a very different way.

I was being coached by someone using Clean Language and we were trying to explore what I was like when I was 'learning at my best' . This was when I got a picture of having to have ducks in a row and I realised that my ducks were definitely not in a row on that day! And they weren't in a row because there was one particular duck that refused to stand with the other ducks.

This is when Scruffy was born or rather re-born as lots more coaching later showed me that Scruffy had been around for a while. In fact, Scruffy was me before I got bogged down with the structure of work, responsibility and a hectic & challenging life.

What I realised on that day was that rows were definitely needed to survive that previous life but life had now moved on. I now needed to learn how to live without the rows, and to live without the rows I had to get to know all of my ducks!

It works out that there are actually 7 ducks in total and they all have their own individual characters, strengths and weaknesses. I think of them as different parts of me and my personality. Scruffy is strong, confident, supportive, outgoing and kind and really doesn't like rows. Scruffy is also a duck that doesn't take life too seriously.

The other ducks take a safer approach, they each have their purpose and they definitely get ruffled feathers when Scruffy doesn't play the game, but that is another story!

Releasing the inner duck

Once your inner duck has been released, it's very hard to put it back. I have spent the last 2 years getting more comfortable with not having my ducks in a row and have said yes to lots more things that have led to some really exciting adventures. I now feel far more present in my life.

It certainly feels like I am plunging back into life and the water is fresh and inviting.

What’s next for Scruffy?

Scruffy has returned to the land of the living, has set up shop and is ready to start making waves. Keep your eyes peeled for Scruffy - you may see re-duck-ulous things taking place.

QUACK, QUACK